


My love will never fade

by upon_a_girl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Feels, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, shattered prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 10:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15638451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upon_a_girl/pseuds/upon_a_girl
Summary: The old legends say, that when your soulmate dies, all your colours fade from your world. But some things aren't meant to fade.





	My love will never fade

**Author's Note:**

> here is my friday entry for the angst weeks with the prompts 34 (when your soulmate dies/leaves, the world goes black and white), 43 (I miss you) and 46 (I don't know how to not love you).
> 
> I may have cheated a little bit. But then, for Regina and Robin nothing was normal or as it was supposed to be. 
> 
> Have fun, I tried my best xxx

_Hiraeth (n): a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home that maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for lost places in your past_

 

* * *

 

When Regina was a child, she believed in fairytales and old legends. There was one though, that she loved the most. It was about soulmates and how love would colour your world. It said when you fall in love and meet your soulmate, your world will sparkle in every imaginable colour.

Little Regina would lay in her bed and talk to her teddy bear all night long about the idea of a coloured world. She would dreamily run around in the garden and imagine a blue eyed boy with bow and arrow steal into the fortress of her parents and kiss her awake and paint her world.

How colours would look like, she wondered and touched her grey dress and kicked the black stone and looked into the white sun. Would she even notice them?

When she was a teenager, she met Daniel.

Her world didn't erupt in fireworks. She didn't mind. Not really.

Maybe, she thought, maybe it was only a story. Maybe, she thought, it had no literal meaning. Maybe they meant the colouring of the heart rather the colouring of her world.

When Daniel died, her world didn't change. Only her heart did. The tender rose which had been growing quietly in Regina's breast got crushed and the girl became wary and angry and sad. 

Maybe, she thought, that legends were only that. Stories. Silly stories. Life was like this and would only be like this. Dark. Grey. Ashen. But it was ok. It was life.

When Regina met Robin, the world didn't erupt in fireworks either. The colours just grew on her, like the idea of being loved did.

She caught herself in the following months marvelling at the sparkling blue eyes of him, felt drunk by his warm, rosy lips, driving her hands into his dark brown hair, when she sighed his name. Since she came home to him, she came home to bright, warm colours.

The day she realised that her world had turned colourful, was the day Robin told her he loved her.

He had gone with her for a moonlight walk and right in front of her house they had stopped right under a street lamp. And he had uttered these three words and she had stared up at him, with wonder in her eyes and saw.

When Regina was a child, she believed in fairytales. There was one though, that she loved the most. It was about soulmates and love colouring your world. It described love as the most wonderful, most powerful thing of all. But it also described it as the most devastating of them all. It says when you loose your soulmate, your world looses all its colours again. 

For Regina it was different. But then, with Robin everything had been different.

Her world didn't just fade out. Her colours didn't just fade and only left a sallowness of black and white like life became a bare existence.

No.

The day Robin died, for Regina colours just became washed out. She didn't fall into a pit of darkness, didn't feel her life slip away to mere existence, she felt numb.

But she didn't only see her world washed out, she also heard noises like through water, numb, far away.

She didn't feel alive, but not quite dead either – frozen in time, while life went on.

Regina didn't miss it. She didn't miss the deep lush of gras or the bright yellow of the sun. She didn't miss her deep purple magic or the fiery red apples in her garden.

She missed Robin.

She missed his scent and his arms around her. She missed the smile on Rolands face, when Robin scooped him up, the twinkling in his eyes, when Robin laughed. She missed stroking his hair, his fingers, his naked skin under her, his voice rough from sleep or laced with love or anger or mirth.

She would've given it all up, all the remaining pale colours of the world, in no more than a blink of an eye, if she could only keep Robin by her side, if she could only kiss him one more time, if she could only feel his strong arms around her one more time and his deep voice whispering „I love you“ in her ear.

What use had scents, had colours, had noises, had a heartbeat, when Robin wasn't there to share.

She still reached out to take his hand only to realise he wasn't there. She still woke every night to a cold side of the bed, still spoke to him, still turned, still got in bed with "I love you" on her lips and after that tears on her cheeks. She still hurt, still wondered.

How could he be just gone, in only a blink, how could one tiny moment change a whole lifetime.

„How can I go on“, she whispered to dark nights, „I miss you“, she screamed into the dark forest, „I don't know how to not love you“, she cried into one of his shirts, „why did you leave me“, she thought, "how can I go on, day after day". Over and over and over again.

One day though, and it was no special day, she found it. Him, her, the strength deep in her heart.

A feather.

A bright, colourful feather.

And she didn't know what this meant, didn't want to know what it meant, didn't want more hope to leave her shattered along the way, just didn't want this pain anymore, didn't want to be this wreck anymore.

What she did realise though, was that this feather reminded her of him.

Robin.

It reminded her of blue eyes and green pines, of flush lips and bronze skin, of crushing hugs and nibbles and moans and kisses under the sky.

It didn't remind her of the pain or of how much she just missed him, of how her heart seemed missing, no.

It reminded her of how much he had loved her and of how much she would always love him.

 


End file.
